Big Bad in So Cal: Hollywood
I’m enjoying my fall solo trips. In 2019, I went to New Orleans as an early 30th birthday present and then followed that up with a 2020 heavily regulated trip out west to Seattle to visit some friends and re-experience the city as an adult.
So, in 2021, I decided to take another trip. Spurred by a talk about baseball with my mom, the Brewers just so happened to play the Dodgers at the end of the regular season — and I always wanted to see a game in Dodger Stadium.
Well, would you look at that? The Delta voucher I had from a canceled Miami trip was enough to cover 80% of the ticket to Los Angeles. Throw in a friend who put me on the Hilton Friends & Family list and suddenly this became a very reasonable trip to take the same time my first mortgage payment was due to withdraw.
I can always tell how good a trip will be by whether the airline can find an exit row seat at the last second. I batted .750 for the trip, only missing the final leg from Minneapolis to Grand Rapids.
With leg room to spare (not really) and a distressingly frustrating book to read on the plane, I was off.
Wednesday was always meant to be the relax day. No frills. Just check into the hotel, stretch, refresh, get some food, and order one of the many Ubers and Lyfts to the one thing I had planned for the night.
Most sane people choose one nice hotel to stay for the duration of their trip. Or, if you’re roughing it, a safe hostel with friendly faces for your backpacking journey.
I did dorm life once before. I don’t need to experience communal bathrooms and twin beds again.
Armed with a F&F discount, I found one the highest rated hotels in Hollywood and booked two nights. Shout out to the Hampton Inn & Suites LA/Hollywood, a 2-star hotel that also came with pool access and free breakfast.
Was the pool good? Not really. The breakfast? They individually wrapped slices of bread, apples, and the hard boiled eggs, but it was food and free. I got a free room upgrade and I could see the sides of Mount Lee just to the left and right of the Hollywood sign, so that’s something. But I really booked the hotel because of its central location. I wanted to do two things while I was in Hollywood — see a few comedy shows and hike Griffith Park.
This was the only photo I could use because they made you put phone inside sealable bubble mailer upon entry.
I bought the ticket weeks before I even booked the hotels. The only catch is that you don’t know the lineup until the day before. It could have been anybody, but I was glad the lineup killed.
Best of The Store [Francisco Ramos, Adam Ray, Iliza, Justin Martindale, The Sklar Brothers, Fahim Anwar, Bobby Lee, Rick Ingraham, Sarah Tiana, Barry Rothbart, Earl Skakel]
I was excited for Iliza as she came to 20 Monroe and I’ve got her signed poster from that show. and I knew of Adam Ray, Sarah Tiana, and Earl Skakel. The Sklar Brothers KILLED. And then the emcee announced a scratch from the show and to get ready for the replacement, which was BOBBY LEE. That was insane. He was doing an hour in the next room and did a quick 10 minutes as they shuffled the lineup. There was not one, but two hecklers, including one guy who woo’d when asked every question, and then got so out of hand he was asked to leave after he kept calling his ex-girlfriend a whore because she was a porn actress (which totally turned the room against him). The other heckler was so deadpan I thought he might’ve been part of a dual act we weren’t aware of, but it turned out he was out for attention.
Sarah Tiana is a deep southerner who usually talks about sports, which was extremely lost on the crowd, several of which were actual models. By the time she wrapped up, it was almost 11, and many people left. Still not as many people as when Earl Skakel came on at 11. Literally all but two people to my left, left. Just got up and walked away. One girl dropped her wallet, and I went to pick it up, and didn’t see anyone else to hand it to other than Skakel.
He performed for 38 minutes ($15 for a 3 hr 38 minute show on a Wednesday? I’ll take that every time) and bombed horribly. But it was good bombing? Like, you knew he wasn’t there to crush it. He definitely had jokes that landed for the 15 of us who stayed, and for the experience alone with some crowd work and banter, it was easily one of the Top 5 acts of the night.
By now, you’re probably saying, Jon, what the hell? You’ve spent 15 minutes talking about one night and one photo. Where’s the goods?
OK. Here’s a Day 2 photo gallery.
Thursday morning I hiked Griffith Park.
On hiking boots only worn 4 times previous, mostly standing. That was a mistake still impacting my life a month later.
First off, my hiking boots take up 1/4 of my suitcase. If this trip was about anything, it was about the hoping the TSA wouldn’t ask me to take them out in the middle of LAX.
Continental breakfast settling in, I took off walking toward one of the Griffith Park entrances. This was another mistake. I would find out later that each neighborhood/city within LA County can dictate their own street laws. Now, most of these deal with the homeless population and the hills, but quite a few streets in Hollywood just didn’t have sidewalks. (Same case with Downtown LA and near Dodger Stadium)
I fully understand why everyone in LA drives, or is driven. I did not play close enough attention to the scaled distances on Google Maps, and completely forgot about elevation.
It was 2.2 miles to the Fern Dell Nature trail from the hotel. I left at 10 am, hit up a gas station for some water and protein bars, and never wanted a Lyft more in my life 20 minutes in. These boots were not broken in. My new hiking pants were working well, though. Dressed in a Carhartt tee, my head covering, sunglasses and a backpack, I passed for either construction crew or vagabond. Whatever, I’m used to aimlessly walking around strange cities. Once you realize you’re the person most people are afraid of, hitting the ‘mean streets’ isn’t a daunting task.
The trail open to Griffith Observatory distance was 1.3 miles, adjusted for elevation. Worth it for the photos. Plus, as a big Rocketeer fan, it was a real treat to see it up close. What was not cool is finding out how out of shape I was.
Two different abuelas passed me with strollers up the hill. The first was zooming, as I needed a water break. And the second was doing pushups against a tree while her granddaughter was just laughing (at me probably) in the stroller. After finally reaching the viewing area (not top) of the observatory trail, I had to take the bottom half of my hiking pants off.
Alright Jon, it’s hiking shorts time.
Taking a detour to see Dante’s View (meh), I reach the trail peak 1.2 miles later. The views were astounding. I took a while just to take it all in, drink a water, eat a protein bar, listen to some music with the surprisingly strong cell signal, post to Snapchat and Instagram, and try to avoid/eavesdrop on the couple listening to a marriage counseling podcast.
I found a new route to descend.
Then I got lost.
Not like, genuinely lost, I had some million dollar houses in the distance to guide me back. The poorer they looked, the more I knew I was heading in the right direction back to the city streets. I ended up on a trail far closer to sea level than the observatory trail, and I was the only one there. I think I said on Snapchat it felt like I was the only one in California. Totally understand the draw to live there (if you’re a millionaire). Another 1.9 miles later and I was out of the park.
Add the 2.2 miles back to the hotel and this 4.5 hour hiking trip covered a lot of ground — 8.8 miles, including a 1,289-foot ascent.
Christ.
Two days before I was scheduled to leave, the second of my Thursday events canceled. I was supposed to see Todd Glass and Sarah Silverman at the Hollywood Improv, but now had an opening. I was scouring the Internet on the eve of my trip before settling on a concert in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.
After showering and resting, I craved street tacos.
Tacos Guelaguetza. Talk about Heaven sent in a time of need. Some of the best tacos, nay, food I’ve ever eaten, and it was curbside of an uppity grocery store on Melrose half-a-mile south of the hotel.
The painful walk was so worth it. I got three chorizo tacos with cilantro, lime and onions, and a hot queso on a seared corn tortilla. I fed the camera and fed myself. I couldn’t get enough, so I went back for two more. Seeing me, the cook threw some cheese on the griddle and made my dreams come true.
Now full, I popped into the grocery store for a water and headed to the next stop, a cemetery show headlined by Lord Huron.
When I bought the ticket, I didn’t read the fine print. The cemetery show is a staple, it seems, and you can picnic it. A blanket sure sounded nice after walking the entire concourse around the Paramount lot, as there are only two entrances to the cemetery and I was on the wrong side. But I made it and took in the sights.
I only saw one famous headstone, Mel Blanc, the Bugs Bunny voice actor.
For someone who works in a bar, I never thought twice about paying $20 for a tallboy on this trip. Sure, I can get these for $3 bar price back home, but if I drank it in a cemetery, I’m a “weirdo” and “trespassing.”
I already saw Lord Huron open for Bon Iver in Milwaukee, so I was aware of his music.
This show exceeded even those expectations. Based on atmosphere alone, easily one of the coolest venues, and the music only made it better.
As the final song rang out, I started the walk back to the hotel. I could already feel something wasn’t right with my right foot. The left wasn’t 100% either, but I just had to make it a little further.
Another taco truck parked next to a Halloween bar a block from the hotel. I spotted it from 100 yards out. Given everything that happened that day, I thought another taco couldn’t hurt.
Except I ordered a gringa. which was not a normal taco. The gringa was twice the size of a Qdoba quesadilla, and so large I almost fell asleep in it. Sweet tortilla pillow, sing me to sleep.
For the morning would be worse. Much worse.
